Skip to main content

The Porsche Panamera: face of a 911, the body of a beluga

driving porsche panamera like losing virginity surviving nuclear blast porche
Image used with permission by copyright holder
I recently found myself out in the Oregon wine country behind the wheel of the 2014 Porsche Panamera. And while I knew the wine would be good – I enjoyed wine in the evening and the car during the day, so don’t send any angry drinking and driving letters – I didn’t know how I’d feel about the Panamera.

The Panamera was first released in 2009. And at that time, as a freshman automotive journalist, I could only dream of driving such a car. Accordingly, I was left to my own imagination when it came to evaluating the Panamera’s driving characteristics.

Recommended Videos

At that point, I hadn’t driven a Porsche newer than 1980 so I had to derive my opinions of the four-door Porsche from its looks. I quickly concluded that it was no good.

Porsche fans will have to forgive me but I was deadest on the fact that the Panamera was one of the ugliest cars ever to hit the pavement. I thought it had the face of a 911, the body of a sperm whale, and the charms of a sandals-and-socks-wearing German.

Understandably, then, I was trepidatious when I climbed behind the wheel of the 2014 Porsche Panamera.

The 2014 model year marks the second generation of the Panamera. The conservative minds at Porsche have given it a slight restyle, enlarging the lower air intake, ever so slightly reshaping the headlights, and protruding the hood bulge ever so slightly. In the back, the rear hatch is widened and lengthened for golf stick or something.

Porsche has also added a new twin-turbo V6 to the base model and a new plug-in hybrid to the lineup. Those aren’t very manly, though, so we’ll skip those and right to the top: The $195,000 Panamera Turbo.

Yes, my friends, this is the one you want. It packs a 4.8-liter twin-turbo V8 that makes 520 horsepower and 516 pound-feet of torque. This will hurl the 4,700-pound Panamera Turbo to 60 mph in 3.7 seconds. To put that in perspective, the 911 Carrera will only conquer 60 from a dead standstill in 4.2 seconds – and it weighs 3,100 pounds. So to say the Panamera is fast is a vast understatement.

That’s what makes the Panamera so special. It is a four-door, four-seater that you can just as comfortably be driven in as you can drive it. And by drive it, I mean hammer it. Hammer the damn snot out of it. That’s what I did – and I have the speeding ticket to prove it.

What makes it so fast? Here’s a great example. Many modern sporty cars are built with launch control. These systems, though, are often hidden under many buttons, check lists, waivers, and much warning lights. The Panamera’s isn’t. You simply put your left foot into the brake pedal as hard as you can. Then you put your right foot into the throttle as hard as you can. The dash will light up with “Launch Control Activated.” And you can just let your right foot go limp. The Panamera does the rest.

The resulting sensation is like losing your virginity and surviving an atomic blast all at once. It’s incredible.

While the acceleration is intoxicating, the best part is that using the launch control won’t harm the car. Well, it probably does but Porsche doesn’t care. Other automakers give you a finite of launch control uses before you void your warranty. Not Porsche. No, it wants you to launch your car. All the time. Everywhere. And I hope you do – ’cause I did. (Speeding ticket, remember?)

When not going hard off the line, the Panamera can be both elegant and refined, packing much gravitas. Or you can batter it around the bends with all the anger in the world. It’s happy to do both.

I’m still not sure the Panamera is the best looking thing. But it is one of the best driving things I’ve ever encountered. And when you’re behind the wheel, that’s really all that matters.

Nick Jaynes
Former Digital Trends Contributor
Nick Jaynes is the automotive editor of The Manual. When Nick isn't behind the wheel on the open road, he can be found…
Will there be a fourth season of ‘The White Lotus?’
The show's third season will be set in Thailand, and is set to premiere in early 2025.
Theo James and Meghann Fahy in White Lotus

The White Lotus was one of the biggest surprises in HBO's recent history. The series was initially devised as a self-contained story that could be filmed in compliance with COVID, and it's since become one of the most popular series in the company's repertoire. We already know that a third season is on the way and will feature another star-studded cast, but what about a potential season 4?

According to reporting in Variety, a fourth season of the show is percolating at HBO, but it hasn't officially been announced yet. “Mike, obviously — if he wants to move forward and do the four seasons — he will do the fourth season,” HBO head Casey Bloys said.

Read more
Denis Villeneuve says he ‘absolutely believes’ in ‘Dune: Messiah’ as he develops the script
The exact timing for the potential trilogy capper remains under wraps.
Timothee Chalamet in Dune Part 2

Denis Villeneuve's adaptation of Dune has been more successful than many who have loved the Frank Herbert novel for decades could have dreamed. Dune: Part 1 was nominated for a bunch of Oscars and won a couple, and Part 2 seems to be on a similar trajectory, and also far outgrossed the first installment.

Villeneuve has promised that he will return to the world of Dune one more time to adapt Herbert's sequel, Dune: Messiah, but we don't know exactly when that movie might be coming. In a recent interview with Deadline to discuss Part 2, Villeneuve was hesitant to say too much about the upcoming third installment.

Read more
Will Max’s new thriller Duster be your next must-watch show?
J.J. Abrams' newest thriller is coming soon
duster season 1 lost  star josh holloway at the 64th annual golden globe

Max has become the home to some of the most fascinating and innovative shows on TV. Fans can trust that the HBO-affiliated streamer has tons of originals and plenty of old favorites from trusted creators, and that trend will continue with their newest offering titled Duster. This thriller comes from the mind of the esteemed J.J. Abrams and stars his fellow Lost alum, Josh Holloway, as a getaway driver who must use his skills for the good of the government when the first Black female FBI agent in American history asks him for her help (the agent will be played by Rachel Hilson). The show is a period piece taking place in the 1970s. It hasn't been revealed how any of the main events of the decade will be incorporated into the plot of the series.

Like a lot of shows that have been teased for the coming months, Duster doesn't have a lot of concrete details out in the open yet. The project has been ongoing for quite some time and was delayed during the Hollywood writers and actors strikes, but a recent teaser trailer has hinted that Duster should finally arrive at an unspecified point in 2025. Here is everything we know so far about Duster.
Who is starring in Duster on Max?

Read more