Skip to main content
  1. Home
  2. Culture

How to Make a Long-Distance Relationship Work

By

So, you’re navigating your first long-distance relationship and it’s scary as hell. That’s because most people assume long-distance (LD) relationships are doomed to fail before they even begin. The reality is, you’re dating someone who lives across the state, country, or world with the hopes you’ll continue to dig each other despite being physically apart. That’s intimidating. The good news is that a slew of researchers have proved distance truly does make us like the other person more, and LD couples may be more successful in the end over their regionally-close counterparts.

More Dating Guides

In fact, long distance can be incredibly fun and prompt one of the greatest bonds in your life. Here are eight important tips for how to make a long-distance relationship work, including easy dos and don’ts to keep your relationship (and self) healthy.

Recommended Videos

1. Believe in the Long-Distance Relationship

You may get shit from family or friends about being in an LD relationship, but let them chirp. Science is on your side. Research proves LD couples aren’t at any disadvantage compared to other duos. Ironically, being physically separated can create stronger levels of intimacy. Better still, both of you won’t feel as “trapped” in the relationship while simultaneously feeling more dedicated to each other.

long distance relationship video chat
Caiaimage/Chris Ryan/Getty Images

2. Know You’re Not Alone

It’s not the perfect scenario to be away from your boo, but you’re also not alone. In 2017, the U.S. Census Bureau counted 3.9 million married couples in America living apart from their spouse. That’s a jump from 2.7 million couples in 2000. What many are now calling “commuter marriages” have perks, like being able to foster your individuality and focus on your career while still having the support of a relationship. Rest assured, people do long-distance, and if you dig the person enough, it’ll be easy. I mean, easy as falling for someone and being in a relationship.

Related

3. Set Your Terms

I know this sounds terribly obvious (and possibly square), but have an open and legitimate discussion about LD expectations. Being in a long-distance relationship can mean different things for different people. Don’t assume their definition will be yours. Go into this talk being honest about what you want and need. Only then will your LD plan be beneficial for both people.

Important questions to ask:

  • Will you be completely monogamous?
  • How often will you see one another?
  • If you hook up while away, do they want to know? Do you want to know??

4. Establish a Timeline

You probably didn’t choose to live apart from your S.O., but it happened due to work, family, etc. Create a timeline together (rough or detailed) that outlines a plan and duration to your distance. This usually means having one person pack up and move to the other, or both people moving to a new place. This step doesn’t have to be big and scary. People move all the time. Know that just because you move it doesn’t mean you both (or alone) won’t possibly move back. Be flexible yet realistic. If you have an amazing job you don’t want to sacrifice, let them know right away that you plan on living there for the next X months.

couple relationship hugging
Justin Follis

Pro tip: It’s OK to have your own plans. In fact, it’s good to be two distinct, independent people. If you want to be together (and it’s obvious you do if you’re going through the struggle of long-distance), you’ll both make concessions to bunk up.

5. Trust Your Partner

After you set your terms, flip the “trust switch” in your brain to ON. Trust issues, as Drake knows, will ruin any relationship. If the other person is willing to be with you from a distance, they obviously like the crap out of you. End of story.

6. Get Close

Once you’ve admitted you’re both crazy about one other, put in the effort to show you care. This part can be ridiculously fun. Long-distance creates the space to develop rituals of intimacy. Think up new habits and virtual dates that spark emotions and plan surprises that sweep them off their feet.

Here are a couple of ideas to keep your LD relationship fun and healthy:

  • Say “goodnight” every night. This simple act lets them know they’re the last person you’re thinking about and gives the day a sense of closure. Of course, you’d rather be cuddling and slip into sleep without a word, but this is the next best thing until then. Some companies make long-distance bed pillows that glow when your S.O. is on them, but we think those are sort of weird. (If you like the idea, grab a pair.) But definitely stick with the “goodnight” text. Some couples say “good morning” also, but it’s not essential. Trust that you’ll talk later in the day and get your a.m. moving.
  • Light candles. This is extremely simple yet super effective. Buy two matching candles (like the hand-poured matte black Billy! candles — we love the amber, sandlewood, oak moss, orris root, cedar, and musk smell) and light them at the same time when you get home from work. Without needing to text, talk, or Skype, you’ll both be present in the other’s space.
  • Watch movies. The hardest time apart will be evenings and nights. Have a weekly movie date scheduled where you both queue up the same Netflix show or blockbuster and watch at the same time. If you both prefer music, press play on the same album so you’re listening (more or less) together. Really, this isn’t too different from sitting and watching on the couch together. Double up by opening the same bottle of beer or whiskey and sip “together.”
  • Plan epic meet-in-the-middle trips. Instead of having one person fly to the other and swap back and forth, plan weekend trips where you meet in the middle. Rent a sweet hotel or Airbnb and explore a new city together. Being LD means your dates can be adventurous, so take advantage of that.
couple relationship fun beach
Roberto Nickson
  • Plan trips, period. Buy plane tickets for birthdays, Valentine’s Day, and the holidays. Spend your credit card points on direct flights. Just be prepared for the eventual goodbye at the airport, which always feels like crap.
  • Write letters. You’ll text and FaceTime nearly every day, but take a minute to sit down and write a letter, especially if you’re missing them extra bad. You’re a man of few words? Write a postcard. Slap a stamp on it and drop it into the mail. They’ll get a surprise note and, in turn, that surge of giddy endorphins.
  • Ship surprise gifts. Similar to writing letters, mail or ship small gifts. These don’t have to be lavish or expensive. Send a Starbucks gift card so they’ll think of you when ordering their afternoon espresso or mail a funny toy they mentioned in passing. If they’re sick, have pho delivered. Pay attention to the details of your conversations because remembering the small, seemingly trite details matters.
  • Video call. Skype, FaceTime, Facebook video, Instagram video — there are a dozen and a half ways to video call someone. Do it regularly, because they miss your face and you miss theirs. Don’t put a time limit on your call, but keep in mind that you can video too much. Don’t get into the habit of keeping Skype on all night.
  • Sext. There, I said it. There’s nothing wrong with expressing your, ahem, longing. One suggestion: don’t send nudes. This is a general rule for life.

7. Enjoy the Space

Every relationship needs breathing room, even (and especially) if you live close. As a member of the LD club, you’re forced to have space, which is a blessing in disguise. Distance is healthy. Time alone is good. Obviously, there’s a point where, if you and your boo haven’t talked for days, too much distance can signal a need to discuss your arrangement again, but this emotional distancing can happen in geographically close relationships too. Remember that wanting to be together is so, so much better than wishing you didn’t live as close. Once you finally get closer and end your LD streak, keep space and independence. You’ll have the best relationship you could dream of.

8. Take the Risk

Yeah, long-distance can be scary. Whether you’re close or far, it’s really hard to be with another person because it involves risk. But it’s so worth it. If you meet someone who lights your life on fire, be with them. Make it happen, learn new habits, change your way of thinking. Because the alternative is safe and lame.

Editors’ Recommendations

Topics
Jahla Seppanen
Jahla Seppanen
Former Digital Trends Contributor
Born and raised off-the-grid in New Mexico, Jahla Seppanen is currently a sports, fitness, spirits, and culture writer in…
How to negotiate a 4 day workweek and improve your work-life balance today
This is how to reset your work-life balance
how to negotiate a 4 day work week two men meeting in office

It would be an understatement to call what has happened to the workforce an upheaval. When the pandemic sent millions of workers remote in March of 2020, businesses and employees quickly discovered that people could be productive from home. The pandemic’s mental health effects saw people re-evaluating the need for work-life balance and what they wanted from a job. As the country began opening back up, the Great Resignation and workforce shortages gave employees the upper hand in negotiating everything from higher wages to remote or hybrid work and even a 4 day workweek.
The idea of showing up to work 4 days a week — virtually or in-person — may sound so 2022. However, the concept was supposedly on the horizon in 1956, according to a New York Times article quoting then-Vice President Richard Nixon.
Generations later, the 4 day workweek may finally be catching on. Here’s why you should consider it and how to negotiate one.

Is a 4 day workweek worth it?
The answer to this question isn’t black-and-white. It will vary based on the individual and industry. However, one case study by the New Zealand estate planning firm Perpetual Guardian from 2018 found numerous benefits, including:

Read more
Make shopping easy: The best Valentine’s Day gift baskets for him or her
These pre-made baskets are bursting with gifts for your Valentine
History of Valentine's Day

 

 

Read more
This is how the Titanic’s engine worked before an iceberg sunk the ship
The Titanic's engine was a pretty marvelous innovation
RMS Titanic floating on water in an old black-and-white photo.

The Olympic-class ocean liners were some of the largest and most luxurious passenger ships of their time. The Olympic, Titanic, and Britannic were built by Harland & Wolff for White Star Liners during the first half of the 1910s. While the sister ships stood apart because of their immense size and lavish accommodations, they all had powerful steam engines. Since the Titanic is the most famous of the ships because it sank (not to mention the James Cameron movie), we’ll cover how its engine worked before it sunk.
And if you're a visual person? One helpful Redditor recently posted the video below to the subreddit r/educationalgifs. It's part of a longer look at the Titanic from Jared Owen, who has got some pretty incredible 3D animations.

 
Instead of choosing to go with a turbine engine, which was found on the Titanic’s main rival, the Cunard, Harland & Wolff decided to stick with two triple-expansion steam engines. The triple-expansion steam engines run on steam (duh) from the burning of coal in the ship’s boilers. Once the steam is made, it has a maze to run through before turning into power to move the ship.
Once the steam exits the boilers, it travels through steam lines toward the triple-expansion steam engines. The steam enters the first cylinder that’s called the high-pressure cylinder at 215 PSI to act on both sides of the piston to push it up and press it down. Once it’s done at the first cylinder, it moves on to the intermediate cylinder at a reduced pressure of 78 PSI to, once again, move the piston up and down. Then, the steam is routed to two low-pressure cylinders at 24 PSI to, you guessed it, move the pistons up and down.
After moving pistons up and down and dropping pressure throughout the trip, the steam exits the low-pressure cylinders at 9 PSI toward one of two nearly 24-foot diameter propellors. Exhaust steam escaping from the triple-expansion engines also powers a Parsons’ turbine to drive a central 16.5-foot diameter central propeller. The propellers caused the Titanic to move.
It’s incredibly advanced tech, and this is just a general overview of what’s happening. If you’re a numbers type of person, the triple-expansion steam engines were good for 15,000 horsepower each when operating at 75 revs per minute. The Titanic’s entire powerplant was rated at roughly 59,000 horsepower, allowing the 52,000-ton ship to travel at up to 23 knots.
While making that kind of power from steam is impressive, the way the Titanic ensured zero waste was just as skillful. Once the steam exits the Parsons’ turbine, it enters a condenser at 1 PSI. Cold seawater is brought into the condenser to cool down the steam, which allows it to go from a gas to a liquid to be sent back to the boilers to be used as feed water for another journey through the entire process.
The Titanic may be known for sinking, but getting a boat of its size moving on the water with steam was an accomplishment. Quite frankly, the rest of the ship was just as impressive, and well worth a look at the full video from Jared Owen.
What's inside the Titanic?

Read more