If you are reading this article, then our first words to you are, we’re sorry for your loss—our condolences to you and your family. Now, having said that you are likely here because you have the unfortunate reality of attending a funeral coming up, and you are trying to navigate what you are allowed to wear and what is a no-go. While conventional wisdom tells you that you should be wearing nothing but a black suit, the world has changed a little, and there may be some ways you can maneuver around the black suit rule if you don’t have time to pick one up.
Funeral attire for men has been the same for as long as we can remember, so if you have time to pick up a suit, you absolutely should. But, if not, we can help you navigate the dress code and pay your respects correctly. Starting with the first question, everyone asks.
Is black all you can wear to a funeral
Going back to the conventional wisdom, the color black has always represented mourning in our culture. When someone passes, it is seen as a way for everyone to come together in mourning. It started in Ancient Rome when people wore darker-colored togas to signal to others that they were in mourning. That tradition stuck with us into Western cultures and made it to America. Before making it here, though, Queen Victoria had adopted it. She wore nothing but black for the rest of her life after her husband passed (allegedly).
Having said that, black isn’t the only dark color. The shades of other colors can sometimes pass if you need to wear them in a pinch. If you have adopted the four-legged stool approach to building a suit wardrobe, you may have read us say that you don’t need a black suit if you pick up a charcoal suit. This suit, paired with black leather and darker shirts and ties, will do just fine at a funeral. One tip: if you are a pallbearer, check with the rest of the group beforehand, as you may need to invest in a black suit.
What not to wear:
- Jeans
- Khaki pants/chinos
- T-shirts
- Hats
What shirt and tie should I wear
When it comes to the shirt and tie, there is some division on what is appropriate. The people in the conservative camp will tell you that you should wear only a white shirt with a black tie. If you are wearing a black suit with a white shirt and a black tie, you could start to feel like you are disappearing in the crowd. While that is okay—this isn’t about you at the moment, after all—if you want to change it up, you have some options.
Again, it is about subtlety and the darker hues. An ecru shirt is cream-colored or off-white, which can change it slightly. A black shirt can feel too much (you don’t want to look like you are heading to a club after the funeral). Gray is the best middle ground between a white shirt and a black shirt. The darker gray, the better, and a monochrome choice in a tie is also the best option.
What not to wear:
- Sweatshirts
- Bright or laud patterns
- Henleys
- Collarless shirts
What shoes should I wear
Shoes are essential to a man’s look, no matter the occasion. When you wear the right shoes, it can elevate any outfit to the right place. A wrong outfit can be made right, and a great outfit can become the worst in the room if the wrong pair of shoes are worn. When attending a funeral, the best thing to do is go for the black dress shoe. A simple derby or oxford is the classic choice. However, if you don’t have one of those, you can swap it out for a great pair of Chelsea boots.
It may seem like a small thing, but when you wear the right shoes, you project all the right messages. In this situation, there is only one message to the project. There is only one thing you need to keep in mind and one thing everyone around you needs to keep in mind.
What not to wear:
- Sneakers
- Rugged boots
- Crocs
- Sandals
In the end, it is about respect
We’re not here to tell you to wear black because it is the fashionable thing to do. Sure, black is a slimming color, feels like a timeless addition to your wardrobe, and goes with almost everything. But this is not about fashion. It isn’t even about style (if you don’t know the difference, then fashion is what you wear, and style is how you wear it). This is about one thing and one thing only: respect for the ones you just lost. And respect for the grieving all of those around you are going through. At the end of the day, this has nothing to do with what you are wearing. It has to do with what you are feeling. Black is a color you don’t have to think about. It is easy. The tradition of wearing darker colors may have started in Ancient Rome as a signal to others that they are in mourning, but for us, it is about making it easy so you can focus on processing what you are going through and being there for others.
