The rehearsal dinner may seem like a casual thing to attend the day before your friend, brother, etc.’s big day. But there is a lot more that goes into this day. It’s the first time they will see what kind of wedding guest you will be. Are you the guy who will show up and ruin the day of photos? Are you the guy about to stand out, not in a good way? Your behavior is also being scrutinized.
We all have that one friend we love, as long as he’s nowhere near our family. You don’t want to be the embarrassing guy everyone worries about who made your friends decide against the open bar. The behavior we can’t help with, maybe see a counselor. But the rehearsal dinner attire is where we can help. We can help you make a great first impression so they may feel they don’t need to worry about you. It gives you a little more leeway to act a fool, in any case.
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The wedding isn’t the only place the engaged couple may have a dress code. They may have booked the rehearsal dinner in a fancy restaurant. That means that your sport coat may feel underdressed. It may say something like “Cocktail attire,” which means you need to step it up a little. Maybe the couple is feeling a little more rustic and is throwing a potluck in the barn. In that case, your suit and tie will not only be a little out of place, but it sure won’t look the same when finished.
Start with the invitation and see what they put there to warn everyone. They usually give you all you need to determine the dress code. If they did, wonderful. If not, don’t be afraid to call up the groom and ask him if they have a preference. Here are two pieces of advice that will help you stay on the happy couple’s good side.
- If the groom says he doesn’t care what you wear, he is likely telling you the truth. He probably honestly doesn’t care as long as you don’t get hammered in front of his sweet grandmother. However, he isn’t alone in his decision-making anymore, so ensure you also get his betrothed’s input. They may have a lot to say about what everyone wears.
- If they say, “Black tie optional,” they are most likely being nice. They want you to wear a black tie, so get a tux and don’t be stingy. Have fun with it.
Now that that is out of the way; let’s discuss the three most common requests for a rehearsal dinner dress code and what you should wear for each.
Black tie
Black tie means the rehearsal dinner is formal. It means they are going all out for a whole Gatsby-style experience for you and every other guest in attendance. The food will likely be fancy, and the music will likely be composed of professional musicians in a quartet or something with strings. It also means that you need to make sure you have a tuxedo.
When it comes to the tuxedo, you have two options: buy or rent. And while you may be thinking that rental is the way to go (how often are you actually going to wear a tuxedo?), the truth is it is always better to buy. It’s also preferable to get it tailored to fit you perfectly and exactly to your specifications. Now, if you want to get something that’ll last forever and never go out of style, get a black tuxedo with a white shirt and a black bowtie. It will truly never go out of style. If you’re worried about looking like a waiter (especially if they’re doing a black-tie event, the waiters are often also in black tie), then you can be brave and opt for a navy with a different color bowtie like a blue or red.
If you want to stay with classic elegance but still not look like a waiter, ditch the black tuxedo and get a white dinner jacket. Keep the black pants and bowtie, but go a little more 007 with the dinner jacket in true James Bond style.
Cocktail attire
Here’s the truth: This is where it gets a little dicey. Sure, every woman knows never to show up the bride, but do guys know not to show up the groom? It is his day, too. So there is a balance you want to find when it comes to what to wear to a rehearsal dinner when the invitation says, “Cocktail attire.”
Let’s start with what cocktail attire is. It is just above business professional but just below black tie optional (we all remember what black tie optional means, right? Right, get the tux). That means it’s time to break out your favorite suit, but the one you never felt you could wear to the office. The colors. The patterns. The ones that feel like you draw too much attention to yourself from the boss. But here is the trick: You don’t want to go all out and steal the attention from the groom. Therefore, leave the garish looks in the closet. Classic is never wrong; elegant charcoals and navy are always a great choice. If it is after 6 p.m., you can also pull the black suit out of the closet.
When it comes to the shirt and tie, have fun. Wear the wedding colors. Mix and match colors and patterns. Show off your personality with some color and some fun. If you want to go above and beyond, check in with the groom and let him know what you’re wearing so he can tell you if you are doing too much.
Casual
This one is a trap for most guys. The couple wants to feel relaxed, go with the flow, and be laid back. They don’t want you to overthink the rehearsal dinner attire, so they always give you very little information. Double-check what casual means. Are they taking you to a barn or an outdoor venue with barbecue ribs? Or are they saying ditch the tie but still wear the sport coat? Both of those scenarios are considered casual, and both are putting you in a bad spot if you guess wrong. But here are a few tips if you don’t get enough info.
- Always wear a jacket. If it is too dressy, then you can always take it off. If it happens to be dressier than you thought, you are covered. If it is outdoors, go for linen in the summer and tweed in the winter.
- Never wear denim. Just in case, wear chinos at least. You can still look casual with chinos and a button-down shirt. If you want to dress it down when you find out you feel overdressed, untuck the shirt and ditch the coat.
- Focus on the shoes. If you wear a good pair of Oxfords, they are never too dressy or too casual. They work perfectly with chinos and a sport coat or with an untucked shirt with the sleeves rolled up.
Now that you’re armed with that information, you can show up and make an excellent impression at the rehearsal dinner. You can also take the information you gather here to give you an idea of what to wear the next day to the wedding. Now, behave and don’t embarrass yourself or your friend in front of their grandmother.
